Settled...sort of.

          Settled is a word I would use to describe how a bird completes the building of her nest, and settles peacefully for the long-haul, awaiting the hatching of her eggs.  Well, that’s like us...sort of.  The preparation for Mom’s move to our home is complete.  Furniture has been rearranged, closets cleared, prescriptions transferred and a new doctor established.  But...our garage tells a different story.  Stacks and stacks of boxes surround the perimeters begging to be opened and explored.  But, what the heck, I figure if we’ve lived without them for two weeks, we can probably live without them indefinitely.  Delicate treasures have already been unwrapped and placed on shelves, clothes hung and drawers filled.  So what is so vital to our existence that compels me to look further?  Probably nothing, I decide.  I remember from our packing there is an assortment of tissue boxes and various size baggies that I could use, but I don’t have the courage  -  or time  -  to dig through those boxes.  Wal-mart is just down the street, and I’d much rather buy a box of tissues than spend hours digging to find one.

          Establishing a routine has been a bit of a challenge since there are so many priorities.  Baths to give, hair to curl, medications to dispense, meals to prepare and laundry to be done.  And I haven’t even mentioned house cleaning or the assortment of used napkins, cough drop wrappers and other clutter that routinely must be picked up and disposed of (Mom is a compulsive saver of everything—including used napkins and assorted wrappers.)  My flexible schedule has suddenly become quite rigid.  But, more importantly, I have learned the art of giving Mom a bath without her panicking when having to call my husband to help her from the tub.  A bathrobe quickly thrown on her kept the humiliation at bay.  The answer is a handicap stool that fits nicely in the tub, and I can use a small spray hose to wash Mom’s hair without causing her too much discomfort.

          The thing I have noticed is how much Mom misses her friends at the assisted living facility.  To compensate, she follows me from room to room with her walker, mostly for the company; but I’ve also discovered she still enjoys helping, in spite of her limitations.  An armful of clothes to fold is just the ticket to keep her happy as she reclines on the sofa.  She feels useful, and for a retired work-a-holic nurse and mom who loved to cook and clean for her family, this is important.

          I've also discovered how much Mom still loves to go places, and remember in bygone days how often she and Dad would hop in the car and drive thirty miles to shop at larger stores just for the sake of adventure.  So, even though it takes me three takes as long to accomplish the task  - and I have to plan carefully  -  trips to the local supermarket for a loaf of bread or a quart of orange juice is an adventure for Mom.  She loves to browse as we walk down an isle, and I’ve become accustomed to walking slower so she can keep up with her walker.

           About the time we moved Mom here, her declining health took a positive turn, and we discovered the earlier problems were due to a new medication the doctor had prescribed.  Thankful for this new information, and some time off the medicine, we've enjoyed a little more flexibility than what we had originally anticipated.  Still, her memory is not so good, and it is necessary to issue constant reminders.

          A highlight of my week came on Sunday when my son stopped for a two day visit on his way back from a diving job in Florida to his home in Washington.  It was a wonderful reunion, no matter how brief, and we were all blessed by it,even my mother who had not seen her grandson for several years, yet still remembered him.

          A few days ago, a nurse from a home health care provider came to meet Mom and assess her needs.  A caregiver was then assigned which will provide some much needed time away for my husband and I, as well as a companion and assistant for Mom.  This will allow us the capability of going to church together, attend other activities and run important errands.

          Some days are more challenging than others,.  Mom does not feel well much of the time, and she has developed some new symptoms that require us to see a neurologist as soon as possible.  But, I am learning to be thankful for small things such as a beautiful flower she points out to me, or her smile of thanks after her hair is curled, or  her pleasure of a favorite dessert that I’ve baked for her.  And I’m looking forward to small outings such as a trip to the local garden center to purchase a flat of pansies for Mom to enjoy. 

Preparations

Chloe (Mom) & Bonnie (Me)

          The wind has been blowing all day, and according to the forecast, it's bringing a good chance for rain during the next two days - a good thing since we are still trying to recover from the drought.  It reminds me of the winds of change going on in our home as we make preparations for Mom's arrival.
           Thursday is moving day, and for the past week we've been hard at work rearranging furniture in an already full house, donating some of it, to make room for the furniture Mom has been using in her assisted living apartment. There must also be room to accommodate Mom's walker since the doctor insisted she use it wherever she goes (she has recently fallen several times.)  Actually, furniture placement is far easier than all of the closets we're consolidating.  Where did we get all this stuff???  We've only been in Mom's house about a year and a half, and we've collected most of it since we've been here!  How many bottles of this and that does a person need, not to mention the wide assortment of band-aids, tape and gauze in a variety of sizes?  I'm sure we bought them because we needed them at the time for some sort of ailment, but right now, I can't seem to remember most of them.  And have I mentioned cold medicines, cough drops and syrups, as well as a collection of pain relief medicines - oral and topical?  And more importantly, there are boxes of pictures and memorabilia of bygone days, many which we barely remember.  Then, there are the hand rails just installed by my brother to insure Mom's safety.  A hospital bed was delivered yesterday to accommodate Mom's growing needs, and a higher toilet sits in its box in my living room awaiting the service man coming to install it.  Pharmacies must be changed, and a new general practitioner enlisted.
          Earlier in the week, I hit a snag and was a bit overwhelmed at the many preparations, two of which included finding new homes for our life groups that meet in our house.  Will I be ready - and able - to take care of my precious mother?  Will I have the patience to repeat (with a smile) the same words or stories that I've already explained a million times before?  Can I find just the right caregiver who will show Mom the compassion and dignity that she deserves when we are away from the house?  I quickly realized that I was borrowing trouble from tomorrow by not trusting God to provide everything I would need.  I had to lay all of these concerns at the feet of the Master, and finally, accepted his peace in my heart.  Why did I doubt?  Because I'm human.  But I also have a choice not to stay in that mindset, and let joy reign in my heart.  Seemingly, God has orchestrated this entire process since things are easily and quickly falling into place.  Most of all, we have his peace.

Mom & my sister (Sherrie)

          Thankfully, during the days since we started planning this move, Mom temporarily made a turn for the better.  Dementia patients, as I've learned, have some good days, but also, days that are more of a challenge.  Right now, I'm grateful for the good days; days when Mom is more like the mother I remember.  My sister and I discussed this change a couple of days ago, and in her words said, "I think Mom is excited that she is going home."  At least, as much as she remembers of home.  And, as I've cleared my calendar to give Mom the attention she needs, I discover that I am looking forward to showing her the kind of love and attention that she deserves at this season in her life.
          There is still lots to be done before moving day.  This is also the last week of our corporate church fast which is a media fast.  That means that we lay aside frivolous electronic gadgets and programs such as video games, e-readers, facebook, email, TV, movies and other things that I can't think of right now.  I've become so accustomed to using them that I don't think twice about it.  Electronics have become a way of life for all of us. Excluded, of course, is computer use that is work or bank related, and phone time with our family members. We are to turn back the clock, so to speak, and read, play games with our friends and families, and generally, slow down a bit.  Focus on the people that are really important in our lives; and most of all, focus on the Lord of our souls.

Mom & her children with their spouses (except one son & his wife.)

       

The Daniel Fast

               Well, it's that time of year again.   A time in January when our church initiates a 21 day Daniel Fast.  This was new to Bruce and me last year.  What was a Daniel Fast? How long would it last?  And what was the purpose?

     I will tell you up front that I don't like fasting of any kind.  Guess it's because strict guidelines are put in place by someone else, which means I lose control of everything that goes into my mouth; or everything that is not allowed to go into my mouth.  Don't get me wrong; I've fasted many times, but still don't like it.  It means I have to deprive my body of something pleasurable.  Not fun.

          The Daniel Fast last year, however, revolutionized my life.  I grew in ways I hadn’t before.  I fell more in love with the Lord.  I made deeper friendships with people who were in the fast with us.  My outlook on my circumstances changed.     

So, may I share a bit about a Daniel Fast?   I have attached a link to the right of this posting which will take you to a website that describes more about this.  Or you can cut and paste this address that will take you to it as well.  www.daniel-fast.com/, or thosewhohunger.com.  (I downloaded one of the books on my Kindle Fire.)  The idea is taken from the book of Daniel where in chapter 1 Daniel was concerned about the status of the exiles in captivity as well as his own relationship with God.  He ate only vegetables and drank water.  In Chapter 10 he ate no meat, nor any choice food, and drank no wine.  In other words, junk food went out the window; sugar was non-existent; and wine was only a distant memory.   But this limited diet does not have to be boring.  Spices are encouraged; and I find it a challenge to create recipes that are tasty as well as healthy. 

The primary focus of the Daniel Fast is to seek God; to pursue a deeper relationship with the Almighty.  And our prayers need to be specific so we get specific answers.  For me, one of my main prayers this time will be a steady job for my son who is a commercial diver.  The job he was on in Florida is now completed, so he’s looking for work again – like a lot of people in our economy.   Another prayer will be for direction for my oldest  daughter and son-in-law whose business is really struggling; the next, for my youngest daughter who is struggling with caring for an elderly parent; while, another will be for our latest granddaughter who recently had to undergo open heart surgery.  In fact, I think I’ll call my kids during the fast to see what specific needs they might have that I can pray about.

Our church has designated three types of fasting along with the Daniel Fast:  1^st week, no caffeine (this is difficult for me!); 2^nd week, no meats and no sweets; 3^rd week, no media.  For those who don’t want to do the 21 day Daniel Fast, the last three options would be easier to attain.   The media fast is something our church is doing because, basically, we’re all media freaks…TV, movies, video games, facebook, emails, phones…you get the picture.  It’s not about isolating friends or family, but just withdrawing from the fun chit-chit we so love to do.  Our entire generation is so hooked on electronics that I’m not sure what we would do if we had to go without them indefinitely.  The media fast is about spending more time with our families…playing games (electronic games don’t count!), reading books, connecting with the community, praying and reading God’s Word.

Bruce and I plan to do all of them, although a modified version of the Daniel Fast, since Bruce needs some protein to referee the basketball games.  It’s not because I’m a glutton for punishment, but I want to see God’s hand at work in my life in a deeper way, and in the lives of my children and grandchildren.  I want to know the Lord on a more intimate level.  So, I choose to deprive my body and my mind of the things I love for a season, to seek the God that I love more than life, and to fall more in love with Him.  For me, it’s a no-brainer!